A teenage child displaying narcissistic tendencies can be heart wrenching and angering to live with. So many times we are told not to worry about our children’s rudeness and arrogance towards us because “It is just a stage they are going through” or “All teenagers are like that and it is normal”, but I don’t believe this. What happens when your child doesn’t grow out of this behaviour and you realize it is too late or at least much harder to help them because they have moved out?

It is vital that you work on your relationship with your child first before you tackle the bad behaviour2. How much sway you have will be equal to how much respect you have earned and it will probably take some solid work first in building trust.

Do you have bad habits that you rationalize? You need to tackle your own bad habits first if you want to earn your child’s respect and the authority to lead the way to a better future.

There is most likely gaps in your child’s development that you will also need to uncover. Are they really as good at the things they pretend they are? How could you give some support in filling in these gaps? For example there is no point in pushing a child academically in high school who is still having trouble reading but is perhaps too embarrassed to admit this. They will need to fill in this gap before they can progress.

It takes sensitivity and wisdom to help find these gaps and start setting small challenges and supporting your child to fill these. Behind their arrogance is a lot of insecurity that they cannot live up to yours and others expectations of them, so make sure you set small and solid steps and be clear that this is what will impress you. Our books are written primarily for partners of people with narcissistic tendencies but this work was first modified from parent training and so there is a lot that we offer that might help you to help your child while helping you understand their behaviour better.