For many years Sam Vaknin proclaimed himself the expert on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and influenced many with his compelling (yet bleak) writing on this subject. In the last year however, it was revealed on a Canadian documentary, that his PhD is from a diploma mill (Sam admits this fact on camera).

Mr. Vaknin writes about NPD from his own perspective, while also proclaiming himself schizoid, a psychopath and an incurable liar. When you add to this mess the fact that most doctors feel the disorder poorly named in the first place, it becomes easy to see why there is so much confusion. More accurately NPD, commonly called narcissism (which is really something else) should be called Narcissistic/Aggressive Personality Disorder, as the symptoms are really a combination of these two characteristics combined with a further lack of perfectionism.

This all probably would not matter so much if NPD were not such a contributing factor to emotional and physical domestic abuse, which is such a virulent epidemic that it could almost be called a plague in the world today. Learning the true symptoms from the myths may help save a family or a life ...

So here’s for the myths ...

1. 1.NPD is NOT the same as a person being a psychopath, sociopath or suffering from anti social personality disorder.
   

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2. 2.NPD is not simply someone who is egotistical, enjoys the lime light or is self centred. Narcissists (suffering from NPD) in fact tend to be popular and may be good at appearing humble (in public) and may use other more egotistical or less socially skilled people as their foil.
   

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3. 3.Not all professionals agree on the prognosis for NPD and there are a few (at least) who do believe that it can be treated successfully.
   

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4. 4.Leaving or abandoning a person with NPD is NOT the easy solution people often pretend it to be and this will often escalate the problems facing families living with this disorder and can even  lead to violence and domestic murders.
   

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5. 5.Likewise, agreeing with everything the NPD person says and treating them as different than other human beings (and perhaps   as some kind of evil sub species) is also NOT advisable (and is in fact a quite dangerous suggestion made by Mr. Vaknin).
   

Steve and I are not doctors and our experience with this disorder is from our first hand experience, from sharing stories and from supporting our subscribers over the past couple of years. We have also done a lot of research on this subject from far more credible sources than Mr. (not DR.) Vaknin, who came closer to damaging my life than anyone ever has (when I first believed the things he wrote about NPD and came close to following his advice). The list above is not conclusive but is a beginning to hopefully dispelling some of the more common myths that have arisen from the confusion.

It is our experience that what is best for the partner and family of the person with NPD is also what is best for themselves and this is their family being educated to stand up for themselves and run a zero tolerance of abuse policy, while also building healthy attachment and trust with the sufferer. The whole family working on increasing their emotional intelligence1 will not only protect and benefit all family members but may also create what is called a reparative relationship1 which has been shown as one of the very few effective treatments for personality disorders.

Narcissism and Codependence 

What do they look like and why do they make people fight?